at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
