i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
