There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize