For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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