No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
