It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
