awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
