Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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