saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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