They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
