i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
