it wasn't lemon gatorade
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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