i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
