it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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