I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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