Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
