Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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