i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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