I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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