His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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