well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
