shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
