Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
