Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
