Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
