Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
