I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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