He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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