I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
