I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
