More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
