he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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