Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
