Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
