I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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