You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
3 2 1 whiskey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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