last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
