That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
