This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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