hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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