If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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