you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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