That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
