Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
