You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
