Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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