Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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