why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
