I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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