I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want nice things and good sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
