You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
