Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
