I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
