But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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