dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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