Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
