Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize