I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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