Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
