i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
