i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
