I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
