"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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