I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
