You just made me feel so damn special
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could make wine with my vomit
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
