u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
