never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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