i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
