We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said her name was "party"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize