I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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