I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
