I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
