Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
