I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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