Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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