Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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