I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
