just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
